Draw A Line

boundaries-2I have always worn my heart on my sleeve, and been very vocal and communicative.  I am also a very open person.  However, I think to a fault.

There is something sacred and valuable to having some mystery and privacy.

Social media has really opened a lot of doors for us worldwide.  There are a lot of great things about it.  There are also a lot of dangerous things about it that we are just now learning.

There really is such a thing as “too much of a good thing.”

More than ever before, we need to remember to set boundaries with others, and even ourselves.

First, you need to set boundaries within yourself.  It has to start with YOU.  Everything starts there!  Decide what your likes and dislikes are, your beliefs, values, morals, etc.  What is your priority list? Where do you draw the line?  Where is your limit?  And, what are the consequences if those limits are broken?  And, how will you follow through with those consequences?

Then, set those boundaries with the world.  That includes family and friends, and yes, even your most treasured BFF.  No one is an exception.  If you make an exception for someone, they will then further test your limits, and not because they are a bad person, but because they’re human, and we all test each others’ boundaries everyday.

There’s really no right or wrong answer to what your boundaries should and shouldn’t be.  This just has to be YOUR list.

Creating your own boundaries is a necessary tool for protection and self-care.  It is putting c8c015b123264d33b030e3fcc71d57dfyourself first.  It is NOT selfish or mean.  It’s healthy and functional, and allows you to live a quality of life that you want for yourself.  It also allows you to keep your priorities straight, your goals met, and your life moving forward.

If you don’t like flaky people and really can’t tolerate it, then make those boundaries clear that showing up late and/or a no-show is unacceptable to you, and if it continues, you will no longer plan outings with them.

If you don’t like dogs, make it clear at your house-warming party that dogs are unfortunately not welcomed to attend.  Let friends know that you’ll hike with them only when their dog is not there.  It doesn’t matter why you don’t like dogs, either.  People will certainly take offense to it, and others will think you are crazy, but let them think those things – That is THEIR ISSUE, not yours.

You can’t control how people react to your boundaries.  Let them react.  Their reactions are about THEM – NOT you!  

Boundaries-QuoteThe challenging part is to NOT react back to them!  When you react to their reactions, often times that is when you will crack and give in.  Reacting can also make the other person feel like they’ve found a weakness in your wall.  Even if you don’t actually give in that time, they will push that boundary again, and again, and again, and if you keep reacting, it gives them satisfaction and hope to eventually break your barrier.

Practice and prepare to RESPOND, not react.  When you react, they are in control of you.  When you respond, you are in control of yourself and your boundaries.

And, when in doubt, sometimes the best reaction is NONE!

You can’t argue with someone who won’t argue back.  You can’t continue a conversation that is one sided.  You can’t play the game with no returns.  So, if someone reacts in an unfavorable way to your boundaries, and you’re not quite sure the best way to respond in the moment, simply do nothing at all.

Their anger and frustrations have absolutely nothing personal to do with you, and everything to do with their own issues that they are dealing with.  That is much easier said than accepted, though.  And unfortunately, you will most likely be used as their reason for pain and dysfunction, and you need to still stick to your boundaries and let them go, if need be.  It is much easier to blame you for being a bad person with your “mean boundaries,” than it is for them to admit their faults and rise to the occasion.

Boundaries bring out the best in you.  It can also bring out the best in others when they respect your boundaries with you, and vice versa. 

Unfortunately, boundaries can also bring out the worst in others, and you have to okay with that.  You will be tested.  You will lose someone close to you.  You will be blamed for it, too.  But, remember, they are not walking away from you…They are walking away from personal responsibility.

Have the courage of your convictions.

Stand your ground.

Because the only person you really have to live with everyday is yourself!

assertiveness technique

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