Just Keep Smiling

It seems almost inevitable…

The moment you are finally happy and successful, someone, somewhere, has to try to rain on your parade.  And, the happier and more successful you are, the more people seem to try to pop your balloons and smash your cake.

Haters gonna hate.

I’ve watched a lot of CrossFitters deal with family and/or friends who try to knock them down.  The truth of the matter is that their family/friends are having a hard time watching him or her get in shape, get healthy and fit, and be happy.  They hate watching my members work so hard and do things they are not willing to do in order to get the results they dream about and wish for.

Misery loves company.

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The deeper issue, though, is that anyone who tries to bring you down, they really don’t hate you; they hate themselves, and you are simply a reflection of what they want to be.  You are above them.

The battle they are fighting is within themselves…It’s not really with you.  So, don’t ever take it personally.  You are just their scapegoat.  Their distraction.  Their reason to not have to look in the mirror each day.

Negative people need drama like they need oxygen.  It becomes their livelihood.  And, if you get sucked in to it, you are only feeding their bad blood, and poisoning your own soul.  Don’t let them grab hold of you and take a bite…That venom can be deadly.

Kill them with kindness!  Take their breath away!

As much as difficult people are a pain to deal with, they are also a blessing in disguise.  They teach us what we DON’T want to be.  And, they remind us why we are changing and working so hard for our goals.  They remind us why we started on this journey – Because, we don’t want to sit stagnant and miserable like them.

I’ve reached a point in my life where I don’t even waste a single word with difficult people anymore.

Difficult and negative people are committed to misunderstanding you.  They want to paint an ugly picture of you.  They need you to be their reason for failure and unhappiness.

Give them roses and butterflies, and they will turn it into thorns and hornets.

Smile, and they will say you’re rubbing it in their face.

Show compassion, and they’ll twist it into a conspiracy theory.

Succeed, and they’ll claim it was all luck.

Whatever they can do, they will do it in order to make their delusions and misery justified and true.

I try to have empathy for difficult people, as nearly impossible as this is to do.  But, their life must really be hard for them to behave like that.  Or, something really horrible must have happened to them in the past.  Now, granted, some people are just bonafide a**holes, and that’s all there is to it.

But, many difficult people are just huge cries for help.  In fact, I don’t think they even want to be that person, and it must be pretty exhausting to for them to live that way.  I have to imagine that they really are trying to ask for help from us…As dysfunctional and unhealthy their approaches are!

I used to fight and confront difficult people.  It’s literally like fighting fire with gasoline hoses, hairspray bottles, dried twigs, and matches!!!

So, either walk away from the fire…Or, grab a bucket of water instead.

And, when all else fails, the best way to deal with difficult people is with a smile!  

Be happy, it really annoys them! 😉  It’s like their kryptonite!

Enjoy the success of all of your hard work, you’ve earned it, and don’t ever let anyone rain on your parade.

Hold up that big umbrella, and keep dancing in the rain, if you have to! 😉

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Baggage Check

When I was younger, I went to a summer volleyball camp to improve my chances at making the high school varsity team that year.  The summer coach was by far one of my best coaches I have ever had in my life.  He was very tough and allowed for no excuses.  But, he also cared a lot, knew how to coach well, built a rapport with all of us, and practiced what he preached.

On the first day of summer camp, he said to all of us,

mean coach“My number one rule here at the gym is this – The moment your foot enters that doorway (pointing to the gym entrance), you are an ATHLETE and a TEAMMATE, and that is it!  You are not a student, you are not someone’s girlfriend, you are not someone’s daughter, you are not a cool kid or a nerd.  Your life, your friends, your family, and your drama are all left outside of that doorway. I don’t care if you had a fight with your mom or boyfriend, and I don’t care if some girls are talking behind your back at school. If you bring your life into this gym, I will kick you out.  Period.”

It seemed ridiculous at the time to all of us teen girls, and we immediately thought he was an a**hole.  But, as the week went on at summer camp, we all realized why he had that rule, and we actually really liked it!  By the third day of camp, I was eagerly looking forward to going back, not only because I loved volleyball, but because I also knew there wasn’t going to be any “drama.”  And, for a teenage girl, that is a BIG deal to not have to worry about that! 😉

That lesson has always stuck with me, and even to this day, I still try to live by my summer coach’s rule.

As grown ups, this is harder to live by.  We spend so much time teaching and molding our young, that we seem to have little to no energy for ourselves!  “Do as I say, not as I do” becomes our motto, and not by choice or intention, but just out of sheer exhaustion.

I am going to challenge you, though.

jaa7pj5The moment your foot enters your gym, wherever that may be, I want you to “check your baggage” at the door, and leave it there for the entire time you are working out.

No whining, no complaining, no pity-partying, no attention-seeking, and no drama.

The truth of the matter is, the majority of us are coming to the gym to RELIEVE STRESS…Not gain more stress from all of your sh**.

When you come in to the gym moaning and groaning about how sh***y you feel, what a crappy day you’re having, what a b**** your ex-girlfriend is, and how messed up your teenage son is at school…It brings the morale of the gym down…And, it makes people not want to hang around you.

There is a time and place to do that.  The gym is not that place.

Now, my CrossFit gym is definitely a very close-knit community, and many members have built some pretty awesome friendships through it!  But, if someone is having a sh***y time in life, we as a family need to allow him to get a good workout in, and escape from that drama for one hour, and then later on, we can take him out for some coffee and let him vent to us in private.

Drama in any gym is poisonous.  Period.

Can you imagine if we ALL brought in our “baggage” to the gym…

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YIKES!  Hot mess…

So often, we tell people to check their ego at the door, but we also need to remind them to check their baggage there, too!

So, if you are having a hard time right now, come work out and relieve some of that tension with a good sweat, and then if you need more support, go home and call up a good friend, or ask one of your fellow CrossFitters to go get a smoothie with you afterwards so you can talk.

If a fellow CrossFitter comes into the gym wallowing in their own self-pity, offer to take them out afterwards for coffee to talk about it, and then remind them to use this time to get away from it all for a moment!

Now, let me make it very clear here…I am NOT saying that we don’t want to hear about your tough times, nor am I encouraging you to suppress your issues.  I am simply saying that for that one hour you’re here to workout – LET’S JUST WORKOUT!!!  And, then, when the work is done, and we are away from the gym, LET’S TALK! 😉

mediateKeep the gym sacred.  It’s our one and only hour in the crazy day that we get to be “alone” and “without worries.”

So, when you enter your gym, you are an athlete and teammate only!

You are not a mother, father, sister, or brother.  You are not a lawyer, doctor, secretary, marketer, fireman, police officer, stay-at-home parent, or artist.  You are not in debt, going through a break-up, fighting with your mom, dealing with a rebellious teen, or paying student loans.

All of that “baggage” is left at the door.

See how it feels the first time you do it…And, then see how it feels after a whole week of doing it.  I can guarantee that you will enjoy your workouts more, and you will even perform better!

Let me know how it goes for you. 😉

$86,400

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This is me at the Oakland A’s “CrossFit Day” participating in a little tailgate throwdown with none other than The Fittest Woman in the World, Camille Leblanc-Bazinet, and here she is cheering me on through my last set of front squats @ 155#!  Definitely a moment in life that took my breath away, both literally and figuratively!  😉

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I saw this about a week ago on Frank Somerville’s Facebook page, and had to share it with y’all…

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“It’s called ‘The Magic Bank Account.’

Apparently it was found in Bear Bryant’s wallet after he died in 1982.
Bear Bryant was the longtime coach of the Alabama Crimson Tide.

Here’s what it says:

Imagine that you won the following *PRIZE* in a contest:
Each morning your bank would deposit $86,400 in your private account for you to spend.
However there were some rules:

1. Everything that you didn’t spend during each day would be taken away from you.

2. You can’t transfer money into some other account.

3. You can only spend it.

4. Each morning when you wake up, the bank puts another $86,400 in your account.

5. The bank can end the game without warning; at any time.
It can simply say “Game Over!” and close the account.
And you won’t get a new one.

What Would You Do?
You would buy anything and everything you wanted right?
Not only for yourself, but for all the people you love and care for.
Even for people you don’t know, because you couldn’t possibly spend it all on yourself, right?

You would try to spend every penny, and use it all, because you knew it would be replenished in the morning, right?

ACTUALLY, This GAME is REAL ……

Each of us is already a winner of this *PRIZE*.
We just can’t seem to see it.
The PRIZE is *TIME*

1. Each morning we wake to receive 86,400 seconds as a gift of life.
2. And when we go to sleep at night, any remaining time is NOT credited to us.
3. What we haven’t used up that day is forever lost.
4. Yesterday is forever gone.
5. Each morning the account is refilled, but the bank can dissolve your account at any time WITHOUT WARNING.

SO, what will YOU do with your 86,400 seconds?
Those seconds are worth so much more than the same amount in dollars.
Think about it and remember to enjoy every second of your life,
because time races by so much quicker than you think.

So take care of yourself, be happy, love deeply and enjoy life!
Here’s wishing you a wonderful and beautiful day. Start spending.”

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So often, we get caught up in petty things, small stuff, silly drama, superficial issues, and crap that isn’t going to matter a week from now.  We let the past haunt us, the future scare us, and miss out on the present moment.  We are either thinking ahead too far, or thinking back too much, always missing the here and now.

Now that I am a mother, I am more aware of all this than ever before!  I have a deep, constant fear of dying and not being able to raise my daughter, not being able to see her grow up, get married, and have kids of her own.  If I die tomorrow, how will I want my daughter to remember me?!  What lasting impression will I leave with her?!

I have always appreciated the quote, “Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”

We get comfortable and complacent, even when it’s dysfunctional.  Familiarity can be dangerous.  We take the “easy road,” even if it’s not the right one.  Even when we know better.  We say we’ll do it tomorrow, next week, next month, next year.  We say that when x, y, and z happen, then we’ll do it.  We put things and people off.  We take it all for granted.

I love this concept of $86,400.  I’ll admit, when I read it, I was thinking of ALLLLLL the awesome things I’d do with that money each day ~ Inviting all of my friends and family on an all expense paid trip to Hawaii, or taking friends on a shopping spree, or going on a road trip and paying for all the food and activities, or buying groceries for families in need, or getting my parents a new car…

And then, when I read the end of it, I felt a slap in the face…in a good way, though.  It was that “A-ha” moment that I needed.  That realization of how truly priceless my time is.

Ever since I’ve read this, I have had a new outlook each day.  🙂

How will you spend your 86,400?!

Random Thoughts of a Coach, Mother, Wife, Friend, Competitor, and Woman

Yes, it’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve posted, and in all honesty, I’ve just been having a whirlwind of thoughts flood my mind lately.  I have at least 10 rough drafts completed, but none of them are ready to be posted yet.

So much to say.  So much to do.

Writing is a blessing and a curse.

Tonight, I thought I’d try something new…

Instead of trying to write intelligently and grammatically correct, I’m just going to share with you 5 minutes of what goes on inside my head…My crazy, beautiful mind…Every day…All day…Completely unfiltered…

Sometimes, it’s nice to just vent and let things out.

Ready?  Brace yourselves…This could be dangerous… 😉

3…2…1…GO!

10352582_549466858520190_7523399922307013146_nI really don’t want to clean up right now, but the kitchen is a mess, and it drives me crazy!  But, every time I clear off the counter, it inevitably gets covered with sh** again the next day.  Cleaning is a crappy cycle that never ends.  I wish we could just afford a maid.  I wish we could afford a chef. God, I wish we would just win the lottery.  People say money can’t buy you happiness, but it sure can make things a hell of a lot easier!  Man, if we won the lottery, the first thing I’d do is finish this damn house!  Another never-ending project in our life.  I wish HGTV would come over to our house and renovate the entire thing in one week!  Ahhhh, I watch those episodes with such envy.  We could move to Texas and get put on the show “Fixxer Upper!”  But, then we’d have to live in Texas.  And, we really don’t have any reason to move to Texas.  I would love to live in the east coast, though.  Or, maybe New Zealand.  Or, Hawaii?  Mmmm, I’d probably get “island fever,” though.  I’d miss my family and CrossFit family, though, if we moved.  Man, if we won the lottery, though, I would totally add in a Peet’s Coffee bar, a juice bar, an awesome kids playroom with licensed babysitters, locker rooms, showers, and a foam pit and trampoline in the gym!  That would be so awesome!!!!  I wonder what our members say about us?  I wonder if they ever think that I’m mean, or boring, or don’t like something about me?  Sometimes I wish I could be a fly on the wall.  Although, I don’t know…Would I really want to know what others think and say about me?  I’d like to think that people think I am a good person.  I hope I’m never condescending to anyone.  Hopefully, they can tell when I’m being sarcastic.  I think they can.  I think I’m pretty obvious with my feelings and intentions.  I wonder if I will ever get to stand up on a podium.  I think I work hard, but then every competition, I’m always shaking my finger at myself.  How much is too much?  How much is too little?  Sometimes I really wish I was just born talented and gifted.  But, then again, I’d probably take it for granted.  I guess I should be thankful for all of the lessons it’s taught me to have to earn it…But, damn…Sometimes it would be nice to have something come easy to me for once.  What are we going to do for Christmas?  I don’t even know what to get Spencer.  He is so hard to shop for.  I really wish I had the money to buy him his dream Eames Chair.  Maybe I should start saving a few bucks here and there every month…Maybe in like 5 years I will have saved up enough money to buy him one.  That would be pretty cool to see the look on his face if I got him one.  Maybe…Someday…  It’s like how my mom used to tell me that if she ever had the extra money, she would have bought my dad a Ranger Rover.  I think I can make Bailey’s Halloween costume for her.  Boo’s monster costume is pretty straight forward, and the nice thing is, it doesn’t have to be perfect.  Maybe I’ll try it.  Would be pretty awesome to be able to say that I made Bailey’s costume for her.  I can’t wait to watch her go trick-or-treating again!  I wonder if we’ll have a boy or girl for the next one.  Do we even want another one?  Hmmm…I wish there was some way to make it a boy.  I’d love to have one of each.  Of course, I’ll love whatever we get!  I don’t know if I could handle two kids, though.  Am I patient enough?  How the heck did my mom do it with 4 of us?!  If we won the lottery, I’d be all for having 4 kids, though!  Maybe we could adopt a boy.  That would be pretty neat.  I need to start lifting more.  My lifts have not been increasing enough.  I keep saying that, but I actually really need to shut up and just do it already!  Why is it so easy for me to coach others, and not myself?!?!  I wonder if Bailey is going to like CrossFit.  I’m really afraid of dying.  It scares me to think that death is going to happen anytime.  I try not to think about it, but sometimes it really haunts me.  I get why so many people believe in Heaven or other religious beliefs.  It’s so much more comforting to believe in something happy and beautiful to go to afterwards.  How is it that I’ve lived 34 years and never experienced even one death of a loved one?!?!  Sure, pets and grandparents have passed, but no one immediately close to me has died, and it scares me to think who my “first” one will be.  I often think that it will be my dad…or my brother.  They are like two peas in a pod.  I love them so much.  God, I wish they took better care of themselves.  Maybe that’s why I’m so crazy into fitness and health.  But, even being healthy doesn’t guarantee that I’ll live.  I really hope and pray I get to watch Bailey grow up, and I get to be a grandmother some day.  Sometimes I feel bad after a long day, and wish I had done more, said more to everyone.  Because, what if today is my last day?!  How do I want to be remembered?!  Will I even be remembered?!  I wish I could come back as a spirit, though, so that I could watch my family and friends, and still experience everything with them.  I need to switch over the laundry.  God, another endless task!  What if I could go back in time and start all over again?  What would I do differently?  But, then I wouldn’t have all the things I have now, and I definitely would not want to give up having Bailey and Spencer!!!  It breaks my heart watching some of my friends struggle being single or going through a divorce.  What would I ever do if that happened to me and Spencer?  I honestly don’t know if I’d ever want to get married again.  Dating sucks!  That is one place I never want to go back to ever again!  Why are some people so sh***y?!!!  It pisses me off when they do sh***y things to other people.  How does someone just cheat and then leave their kids?!  I can understand screwing over your husband or wife…But, how can you screw over your kids?!  What the f*** is wrong with people?!  Sometimes, I feel like we’re surrounded by idiots and a**holes.  Why can’t we send them all away?!  A lot of my anger stems from stupid, mean people.  Sometimes, it’s really, really difficult to have compassion for others.  Really difficult!!!  That’s when I love to use the slam ball at the gym!!!  Speaking of, we haven’t done slam balls in a while.  Maybe I’ll throw that in to the warm up this week.  Oh crap, I need to finish the coaching schedule for this month, too!  Am I doing a good job?  Am I a good coach?  Am I being a good mother to Bailey?  Am I good enough for Spencer?  Sometimes I worry that I’m not enough.  Sometimes I feel like I am failing at life.  Other times, I feel like I’m on top of the world.  Ugh.  Maybe I’m in a funk because of my period.  I hate hormones.  I need some chocolate.  I’m going to eat the rest of the s’mores stuff!  I really wish we’d win the damn lottery…

*Whew* 😉